Paris review by Anon
Rubbish... Pretension Brummie style, these three words sum up this restaurant in a nutshell, or should I say in shell nuts, as the pseudo French (who is actually Belgian) maitre’d would say if his English was up to standard.
I’ve been to this, shall we say, establishment a number of times, as each time what I have heard about it does not live up to my past experience; so I go again, only to be disappointed once again.
Now let’s get one thing straight, this place is costs a lot, and I’m not talking Boxwood Café or Hakkasan, I’m talking Sketch and Nobu. Sure it will not cost you as much as Sketch, but may I remind you, my dear friend that we are in Birmingham, if we are talking relative terms, considering overheads, this place is more expensive than Sketch, we are not in Mayfair damn it, Pierre Gagnaire has not designed the menu, nor is the service up to Sketch standards, and the décor and ambiance certainly is not. I’m all for paying for what I get. Nobu and Sketch actually offer outstanding value for money, this place does not.
I’m really stuck for where to begin actually, you walk in and are greeted by the Belgian maitre’d, to be shown into a deserted oasis, of modern tack, with a rare vision of a doctor in a grey m&s suit, or the couple who have never set their feet outside the M42, and invested their pension funds to come here… only to order the cheapest wine (or shall we say champagne – we are in the north after all) on the menu. You are then served a feeble attempt at amuse bouche, which is clearly the industrial England interpretation of it. The wine list is pointless, when I am being served such awful food; I am hardly going to order a Petrus, let alone adventure to an Alsatian wine. There was one good starter I had here, it was… wait for it… the smoked salmon served with caviar, now wait a moment… let me ask you, how much gastronomic expertise goes into that? They take it out of the respective packaging and slap it on my plate… great pal… just great. I have been served boiled chicken here as a main course, which was absolutely ridiculous, it was not even supposed to be boiled, but hey wait up Birmingham, you think I don’t know! The scallops are okay, but again how could one possibly go wrong with scallops, well let me tell you, this place does, because if scallops are anything short of excellent, its simply not good enough. This brings me smoothly onto the Foie Gras, it is served cooked! As in pan fried with apples! You have to be kidding be, if I even dreamt of going for a fine Yquem, I would not even like to think of the sugar explosion in my mouth, especially in the first course of my meal..
Add to this pretension, with an added element of tack when it comes to service.
And then add an almost non existent crowd, who seem to be silent, as always my table is the only table talking (I guess its worth nothing that I once overheard an adjoining table ask what Foie Gras was!) and you have gastronomic hell.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
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