Bank Birmingham review by Anon
Bank is possibly one of the better restaurants in the culinary sewer that they call Birmingham; the menu is unexciting, but the results are somewhat better.
The service is good in some ways, in that it is proper service like what I would expect back in perhaps a café in London. Waiters do their job swiftly and discreetly, as they should. Much unlike the usual experience I have in this town of annoying chatty wait staff. However, the place is vastly understaffed, and even those which they have are not that attentive. Given, they are going to be busy on weekends for dinner, but they should know that, and given that it is an assumption anyone in the industry should be aware of, so it is not forgivable.
As for the food, as I mentioned, the menu is very drab and dull, basic modern British nonsense. However, it is well prepared, and tastes good, given that expectations are low after looking at the menu; it just somehow lacks luster. Call me a lover of pretentious food if you will, but this restaurant errs too much on the side of caution, and really needs to have a menu that its chefs are capable of, not something which really does not test them, and does not do their quality justice. Sometimes there are more exciting dishes on the specials, but its not really something anyone choosing a restaurant wants to rely on.
The wine list is fine, just fine. There are some good examples of Bourgogne and Bordeaux, and a reasonable selection of drain water from the rest of the world (not that I’m looking). There really is not enough selection. Sure, the average Brummie is more likely to order a bottle of Moet than Vosne Romanee or Puligny Montrachet, but if that’s what they want to do, why not just keep a cellar filled with house wine and one type of champagne – I’m sure that is all you need to cater to these unsophisticated northerners.
As a lunch café, fine, for dinner it’s a bit of a joke.
As with all places in the industrial wasteland, it is the crowd that really lets the place down. Basically it’s a hive of businessmen, all in their grey M&S suits, in which they try to look very professional, only to find that they are drinking bitter at the bar (save such behavior for your country pubs, please), and new world drain water at the table, they smoke Benson & Hedges, and their topics of conversation include football, mortgages, gardening, and jokes, which are not funny, but for some reason everyone on the table laughs at; all spoken in an incomprehensible and insanely annoying accent.
I don’t know if the female crowd is worse, fake LV, Gucci, or Prada handbag, coupled with Next’s latest collection, drinking, again New World drain water, and smoking Marlborough Lights. Their topics of conversation include the Bullring, Big Brother, and other things I would expect better from a visitor from Essex before I saw worse a place, which is the north.
Friday, May 26, 2006
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